One thing I have learned over my many years of is there is one steadfast rule to adaptability and emergency preparedness:

SHIT HAPPENS

• C’est la vie, Así es la vida, it’s whatever.
• Taoism: Shit Happens.
• Platonism: Learn shit.
• Behaviorism: Do we even decide shit?
• Absurdism: This shiT
• Legalism: Do practical shit.
• Hinduism: This shit happened before and will again.
• Buddhism: If shit happens is it really shit?
• Protestantism: Shit happens only if you work hard.
• Catholicism: Shit Happens, repent.
• Atheism: This is some bullshit.
• Theism: God’s will and shit.
• TV Evangelism: Send me more shit.
• Stoicism: This shit can’t affect me if I don’t even give a shit.
• Children of Narcissism: Pardon my shit I’m going through the shit.
• In 2008 the world went to shit;
• In 2012, it went to shit yet again;
• In 2020 it imploded in its shit and then sat in it and wallowed while the world wondered what it did to deserve it.

Are you really, really, really, triple-dog ready and prepared for everything that is going to come at you in life? Yes, everything. Are you sure about that?

NO?! 

Welcome to the club! Someone was supposed to bring the snacks to this meeting, but we forgot to put that memo in the plan. It is okay to not be prepared for every single situation, in fact: it is impossible to always be prepared. What is important is that you know that you are capable of figuring out what you need to do.

Believe in yourself!

Surviving and thriving are two sought after -ings we short-living beings endlessly chase ‘til our last days. It doesn’t take a wilderness expert to do it, either.

Guess what: you are doing it right now. In fact, if you are reading this, you are thriving. Existing. Look at you go!

How do we ensure your chances of survival don’t diminish with time? How do we plan ahead? Are you an accident-prone klutz? Do you need to be worried about when it comes to hygiene, self-medicating, regulating your own moods, or even protecting yourself from yourself?

Are you a person with specific needs like accessibility tools? Are you going to require assistance to leave your house in case of emergency? Do you take any medications, if so, can you share? What about that fish oil, snake oil, mineral oil? Do you shower and brush your teeth? Should you? Do you eat?

Breathe?

If you said yes to any of those then you can be prepared with items in a “go bag” and to properly take care of yourself and your needs. Unless starving to death and smelling like rank airport fungus is something you are into, no judgments.

If you are completely new to the whole idea of keeping yourself alive then I will gladly cover some for you. You’ve made it this far in life, so you have that going for you which is nice.

It is important that you have a list of emergency numbers listed somewhere for you to be able to find easily. I keep mine in my fridge for my friends to steal since it is my most visited place on the planet. You may wish to keep yours in an entry-way or your workshop or the bottom of your sock drawer.

Even better, keep a set stored in your phone, in your wallet, somewhere on your person. The point is to have one where YOU will know where it is. Now, what should you include in it? You can get all kinds of specific, vague, or wild on this list. It’s what people will call when you are incapacitated.

• Your Lawyer(s)
• Your Significant Other(s)
• Your Nemesis
• Poison Control
• Animal Hospital
• Sherriff’s Offices (or Local Authorities)
• Local Urgent Care
• Your doctor(s) contact number

What other kinds of situations should you be prepared for?

Well, where do you live? No, I don’t need you to tell me in the comments, let’s not make this weird okay? Do you prepare normally during the season by taking care of your home/place of living for any local natural disasters? Has a disaster already hit and you don’t know what to do? Take a minute and think to yourself “What do I need to live a comfortable life”

Here are some helpful tips to help you prepare for most situations:

• You are not going to know what to do at all times. That’s okay.
• There will be some people acting like they know what to do and taking advantage of disaster situations. Tread cautiously and know where to find snacks.
• It is okay to be panicking. That is a natural response to any unknown. Breathe.
• Remember what is valuable: your life, not your stuff.

REMEMBER: SHIT HAPPENS* 

When shit inevitably hits your proverbial fan, do you have a way to access any emergency notifications and know right at the beginning of the Shit Storm?  Oh good, you have your phone! That’s great! What do you want to do when it dies and the power is out? You don’t have backup batteries? What now? Oh, you found some. Cool. How are you going to plug Triple As into your phone? Even then what is your plan for when they run out? Have you thought that far ahead?

If you ever went to schools and had to fill out those emergency cards with your family, guardians, and a family friend or alternative person on it, this is exactly like that. It’s important to know who you would call in times of need. When you are in a state of panic, things in your body fuck you up. It is part of our survival mechanisms, the adrenaline, the cortisol, but it doesn’t react the same on everyone.

Some people have excellent fight or flight instincts and thus survival ones. Fight Flight Fawn Freeze. When SHTF it is harder to search through a giant list of names, aliases, and numbers in a panic so it is important that you sort these into categories of your choosing. Ones you can look at in a quick glance and know.

WHO YOU GOTTA CALL? (An example of what to put on your list)

YOUR X(S)

Name: 

Number: 

Email: 

Fax: 

Location:

Disaster Planning

In my book I go over more in depth (hah, cause natural disasters bring water. too soon? okay.) the harsh realities that natural disasters bring and how to prepare for them. Here are some of my top tips:

1. After a disaster if you see standing water, do not step in it (it could be electrified, toxic, or other harmful problematic thing.)
2. If you are in a car and lightning or other sparking is happening do not get out.
3. Don’t forget to drink water. Dehydrated you is disastrous decision making you.
4. Don’t touch red hot handles. They’ll burn your hands. That means somethings on fire most likely and you need to leave that building
5. Planning and Preparedness are the best precautions.

For the rest, keep a lookout for my next book after Double You. Until then, if you want more like this, and updates feel free to subscribe and follow my socials 🙂

*THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS TO EVERY RULE.

Except that rule. There aren’t exceptions to having exceptions. Wait. I just created an infinite paradox. Anyway. Preparedness.